Could Be, You Don't Know

I just looked down at my hand and saw that there was bird poop on my palm. I started kind of freaking out, thinking where the hell did I put my hand between taking a shower this morning and walking to work that I would have gotten crap on it.

I began to imagine that maybe I was blacking out and living some super secret squirrel life that I was completely unaware of. Maybe in an aviary, smuggling drugs and weapons that are held under seagull nests. Maybe just plucking feathers for my super happy fun fun bird suit; the one with the red piping and the Ralph Lauren designed shoulder brocades.

Sometimes It's Just Too Early On A Saturday

I'm a mover, I'm a shaker, I'm a flippin' dream maker and I'm feeling the power of yellow!

Who else?! Give it to me!!!! God damn it!!

People at work this morning? Not feeling it.

Straight From McSpiclish

I saw a guy in a utilikilt here at work. I think I'm inching closer and closer to getting one.

http://www.utilikilts.com/

It's like a macho skirt. A big, tough, macho skirt. And I get to show off my legs (which look great in heels by the way).

All Things Dougie

Ok, it's sort of like the universe speaking firmly to me here. This voice popped into my head this morning saying:

"Today, I love everybody named Doug. This includes Doug Martsch from Built to Spill of course, but also my lovely Dougie P. if he's out there reading."

This is normally how I post to this thing, a voice sort of comes and says stuff. I didn't post this though, not really sure why. I just kind of went on with working.

About a half an hour later Dougie P. emails me with info on a Built to Spill show going on in Seattle this summer. It just feels like another example of creating my own reality...

Brody Loves Me

Woke up around 2 AM to find the younger, not so bright cat licking the back of my head. I sort of let it go for awhile cause I thought it was sweet that he was grooming me. In my groggy, waking state I figured I could go to work without showering as I had been cleaned the night before.

Big mistake...

My Morning Thus Far

Was running too late this morning to eat my toast and almond butter, so I put it in a baggy to eat at work later. Usually toast sort of softens up after a few hours, but this stuff is like wood, like birch. People five rows away are turning to look when I take a bite. It's chipping my teeth and cutting my gums.

Also, I'm pregnant with Britney's baby and Michael Jackson molested me. That's why I was running late.

High Price of Hygene

I was at the store the other night, bitching about the price of razor blades. I mean I hate shaving anyway and having to pay exorbitant amounts of money for the privilege just rubs sand into that particular crotch abrasion. While I bitched about it, Biffy told me to shut up. Had I checked out the prices of tampons lately? No, I had not.

I started thinking about ways to avoid spending money on razor blades, aside from stealing them and not shaving. The good kitchen knives seemed really manly and the lids of opened tin cans seemed ghetto and slightly tetanus worthy.

I'm also working on that tampon thing with #2 pencils and pop up sponges.