Audition Allergies

I was starting to feel cocky. I was walking down to a theater audition a couple of weeks ago and thinking about how I had gotten a part in everything I had auditioned for in the last year or so. I was heading down to audition for a show I didn’t particularly want to do, in a theater that I didn’t want to particularly do it in. The director had asked me to come down, and I like her, I respect her, I’ve had a good time working with her in the past.

The audition went well, I ended up having more fun with it than I thought I would. The director gave me some kind words about how I’d done (and our relationship being what it was, she didn’t need to). She called the next day and let me know that she was going to cast the part in a “different way”. This is pretty standard theater let down lingo, but also true to a point – there are times when an actor (because of look, inflection, the way they hold themselves, whatever) is just not right for the part or for the show itself.

My first thought was, “drag dude – that sucks.” This was quickly followed up with my more reasonable side saying, “uh dude? You didn’t even want that part.” True enough, the offstage drama involved with trying to get a show done that I wasn’t that into was reason enough to be happy about not getting in. But still, you might not want to go to the prom, but you still wanna be asked.

About a week after that, I went in for a film audition. I went to the greeter and let him know I was here ahead of my scheduled audition time. The director came out and asked the greeter about me and what part I was to be reading for. “Bennet,” the greeter said, receiving only a look of absolute confusion from the director. “Who’s Bennet?” the director asked.

This does not bode well, thought I.

The director brought me a reading script, told me to read for Donovan, and about a minute and a half later asked if I was ready. Being a can do sort of guy, I said I was.

The director sat me down in front of a camera and began to tell me all sorts of things about seemingly every other character in the movie (except for mystery man Bennet), and very little about the one I was about to read for. I said okay, stated my name to the camera and began reading.

Before going in for a second read, I asked the standard, “is there anything that you’re looking for?”

Only to receive the standard, “I just want to see what you bring to it.”

It went well, the director began to tell me how I would be good for this other character and he would set up a “warm read” in the next week for me to come in and do. I received an email with a list of days they were possibly going to be doing the reading, a request for conflicts with this proposed schedule, and a list of actors who would be reading for which parts – I was listed as reading for Douglas Bennet. Again, a little knot of worry began to form in the back of my mind.

After about a week of not hearing anything back about my conflicts, I emailed the director and asked if there was any update as to the time for this “warm read.” About another week went by before I got a very template-like reply of a sort of “thanks for your time, but no thanks”.

It was as if I had been asked to the prom, but then watched the limo drive right on by.

I feel that I’ve gotten to a point with auditions where I am generally okay with not getting something. I understand that, as I said above, I’m not always going to be right for a part, or that I might perform poorly during an audition and sometimes I just gotta let it go. This one though was like being told, in a sexy whisper, that I’m gonna get blown. I sort of shrug my shoulders and say, “awesome, if you want to, I like a good blow job.” It gets more promising as the blower sinks closer and closer to my groin, I undo my pants (‘cause I like to help) and close my eyes, and then I’m told, “no, I’m allergic to your cock.”

So, I’m okay with not getting the gig, as I’m really not digging how tings were handled, but still… I like me a good blowjob.