Being it’s Wednesday and all, I would like to offer some helpful hints, some Big Ideas from Big Head Billy.
Some things not to do on a job interview:
- Use abbreviations or terminology specific to another job.
- Assume that it is a business casual office.
- Continually grab your crotch.
- Growl.
- Make the assumption that your interviewer also feels that everyone living in the bad part of town uses drugs.
- Mention how you left your last job because of constant arguments with the management.
- Wear a Speedo – and nothing else.
- Swear like a trucker, sailor and longshoreman rolled into one and enrolled in a swearing contest.
- Talk about that little pyromania problem you have.
- Lick a dildo.
- Fill all empty spaces in the conversation with a travelogue about Tampa, and how much you hate it.
- Sing your responses – to the tune of “Hard Knock Life” from Annie.
- Offer the interviewer a hit from your flask.
- Forget your name.
- Refer to former customers as “johns”.
Confidential to Broken in Texarkana: Next time, try some ready made pie crust. I think you’ll find the pain factor shrinks a lot!
Rocktober song of the day: “Down To The Well” by Pixies
2 comments:
A few more things not to do on a job interview (especially for a position in a bookstore):
Assume that your interviewer has never heard of a "kind of older band called The Velvet Underground".
Wear a sweatshirt bedecked in felt-tip marker scrawlings with the hood pulled up and tightened around your face a la Kenny.
Mention that you don't really read much and that the few books you have at home are "in really bad shape cuz I don't treat them that good."
Talk about cleaning poo off a carpet in your last workplace.
Mention that you don't like lifting, standing on your feet for more than a short time, being indoors all day or "taking orders from anyone".
Mention that you're desperate for a job, any job, and this one seems really easy.
Offer to give your interviewer a full-body massage and a bikini wax.
Talk about how you're really looking for a mellow place to work where you don't have to hold in your farts all day.
Admit you recognize your future employer from Leash Night at Club Daddy.
I don't know, you might rethink that bikini wax thing.
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