"And Over Here Is Where I Compile My Expense Reports"

There is a “Take Your Kid To Work Day” thing going on here at the Death Star. This always seems like way more of a Sitcom convention than something that actually happens in real life. Ah, but no, people do in fact bring their young ones here for a taste of the corporate Kool Aid. There may be those who thrill in sharing with their kids something that they love doing, but I have to believe that a greater number drag them in to show what sort of soul crushing hell they’re in for when the days of recess and summer vacation have faded.

Either that or they show off their offspring to coworkers, which smacks of some weird competition through children thing that is but one small step from toddler gladiators dueling away in the playgrounds of America.

People have asked a number of times when I’m going to bring my son into the office and, depending on the discretion needed with the person, I will answer with variation of the same sentiment: Why would I bring him into this place when I can’t stand being here myself.

I always tend to feel a bit jumpy when suddenly confronted by concentrations of kids where they don’t seem like they should be. I remember going into a short of breath panic attack when 30 grade school children suddenly poured onto the 24 Divisadero as I made my way to work down in the delightful Bayview/Hunter’s Point section of San Francisco. “What the hell are all of these kids doing on this bus?” I thought. It felt as though there were an invasion of sorts, an alien invasion. I felt claustrophobic, and I suddenly quivered with the understanding that I was going to have to wade through all of these 7 and 8 year olds just to get off the bus.

So today, when I walk into the restroom to find a young man, perhaps 11 or so, on his knees in the doorway of one of the stalls, something in my mind started screaming that there was something very wrong here. At once I felt that there really shouldn’t be a reason for this kid to be doing whatever he was about to do – again, he was on his knees in a men’s room stall. I just as quickly realized that my first instinct to ask if I could help him with something was going to sound simply awful were someone to walk in behind me.

I managed to throw an uno, I know you were worried, but I couldn’t help wondering just what the hell he was doing over there.


Song Stuck In My Head Right Now: It’s not really stuck, but “We’re Gonna Rise” off the new Breeders album is something pretty.