Some Hard, Cold Facts

I took a couple of days off to fight a cold. I was doing pretty good I tell you, finally adopting a daily dosage of vitamins (having a kid will make you do the craziest shit - taking vitamins, quit smoking, pretending to eat someone's tummy when you're not playing some perverse, zombie sex game) seemed to have fought off for awhile this plague that circled the office a number of times.

But eventually the bill comes due, and sometimes you earn that bill by drinking a fair amount of whisky and beer while bowling on a Tuesday night. Anyway, although I was perfectly capable of doing so, I didn't write anything the last two days and I apologize.

Some things that occurred to me the last two days:
1) Morning "news"/variety shows still keep up with the pretense that they're offering something of use when in fact they're thinly disguised shills for corporations and a method for celebrities to keep themselves bathing in the waters of exposure. They depress me to no end.

2) I have somehow become more socially acceptable by carrying an infant to the grocery store than I do going there by myself. No one ever stopped to talk to me when I picked up some tater tots on a solo mission. How do these gaping ladies know that I'm not hoisting this kid around to sell for drugs?

3) I could probably get a lot of drugs for a healthy, 4 month old baby.

4) If you were to coat yourself in Vaseline (or a generic brand of petroleum jelly for that matter) and then walked a long distance, anytime a passerby spat on you it would run right off of you. But then you'd trap your sweat under a layer of petroleum, and what kind of trade off is that?

5) I've missed you sugar snap peas. Where have you been? Why haven't you reminded me when I have passed you in the produce section that I have missed you? I don't mean to blame you, it's just I feel lame for forgetting.

Honestly, I probably could have used another day to recuperate, my head feels like someone has taken one of those TNT plunger type bicycle pumps and affixed the ball needle adapter and plunged it into my brain. That mad fucker then begins furiously pumping to the strains of "Living On A Prayer". All the while, a fever broke leaving me sweating like... I don't know, something whose soul purpose is to sweat. Anyway, the longer I stay away from this delightful occupation where I get paid to have people yell at me all day, the tougher it becomes to ever go back.

But this weekend is gonna be good weather wise, I've got some fine folks from California coming for a visit and I go back on stage for some more knockin' 'em dead. Look out world, I'm limping towards you.


Song Stuck In My Head Right Now: "The World's A Mess, It's In My Kiss" by X.