Body Functions

Do you ever sometimes get all wrapped up in doing something, and you know you have to pee, but you keep pushing it off? Like work, let’s say you’re in the middle of doing some menial work task and you have the sort of mental wherewithal to ignore the natural pangs your body is producing. So, when you finally go to the bathroom, probably a good hour or so after you should have to begin with, you pee hard and long. And here’s where the question part comes in. While having one of those long, feels good in an immense release of pressure kind of pees, do you ever wonder for a second if you’re not actually having one of those dreams where you have to pee so damn bad and you’re rushing around to find a toilet in your dream and when you finally find one that release of pee feels so good until something in your mind says, “hey dude, you’re dreaming – you may actually be pissing in your bed right now”?

I think I sneezed out a sesame seed the other day. It reminded me of those weird days in the early 90’s when I was snorting a lot of California rolls.

There are things about getting older I’m not a fan of. The larger number of vague aches and pains that occur as my body continues to slowly shut down is on the list, as is the much longer recovery time that now comes with a night of abuse that my twenty-something body could shrug off. One new thing that I find equally annoying and fascinating is the sprouting of what I call Jeff Goldblum Fly hairs from the sides of my ears. They sprout along the edge of my ear occasionally, not where hair should be anyway, and they seem to be made out of some plastic-nylon polymer that would be manufactured by a company that the Bush’s hold major portions of stock in. It’s fun to think that all of the processed food I ate as a child could be partially responsible for this.

When I got out of bed this morning – at 3:30am – I felt as though I was not only lacking water, but had unknowingly eaten a herd of tiny sponge animals which had gone to work pulling water out of me. It was as though the cat, ala that pretty awful Drew Barrymore movie, had gotten too lazy to shuffle out to the water bowl and mystically yanked my water supply. I attempted to remedy this by chugging two glasses of water, which only managed to make me feel a little “sloshy” when I walked.

This is coming off a little complainy, I’m sorry. I will say that it was an amazing sunrise this morning in this part of the world. And if you have to walk through a city at 4 in the morning, you could do worse than to listen to the Black Francis album; much worse.