My Morning Thus Far

Was running too late this morning to eat my toast and almond butter, so I put it in a baggy to eat at work later. Usually toast sort of softens up after a few hours, but this stuff is like wood, like birch. People five rows away are turning to look when I take a bite. It's chipping my teeth and cutting my gums.

Also, I'm pregnant with Britney's baby and Michael Jackson molested me. That's why I was running late.