From The Ground Up

Oh hell yeah, this one’s going to be a little ventastic. And before we dive on in here, I want to point out that I’m not trying to start some sort of corporate boycott, I’ve had to deal with douche bags trying that tactic before. It’s just that sometimes an angry Billy is a funny Billy. Much like a blow up doll, this is intended for entertainment purposes only.

So it became necessary to order a new computer. Apparently laptops don’t respond well to introductions to cups of coffee. I ordered said new computer online and waited anxiously for the shipment notification. Soon, the email arrived and I saw that computer was being sent via FedEx.

FedEx, if you were to take human form, and the male version of the human form, I would punch you right straight in the balls. And then while you were doubled over in gagging pain I would take a shit on the back of your head. And kick you. Possibly set you on fire.

An attempt to deliver this package was made on Saturday. I have to say it was a half-assed attempt to say the least. The driver apparently didn’t realize that in an apartment building, you need to ring the number for each individual apartment. Which seems would be one of the few things, aside from a basic understanding of driving, that you would need to know for this job. As the number you have to push for our apartment rings to a cell phone, I can verify that there is no record of the driver attempting delivery, merely of leaving a sticker on the door.

So calls were made to the 800 number, and a deal was struck to have the computer left at the FedEx Kinkos location up the street. Yes, completely doable, people are happy. On calling FedEx Tuesday, to verify that the delivery had occurred, the rep stated that she didn’t show any record of this request being made. Oh but no, now she found it, and yes verified that the package was at the location up the street. She then transferred us over to said location and a woman verified that the package was there.

Apparently this person put a coworker on the phone to feign employment at the 10th Avenue location. You will soon see why, follow me.

I headed on up to the FedEx Kinkos only to learn that the package was not there as promised. Upon calling FedEx once again, I was told that they have a policy of not delivering home packages to the FedEx Kinkos locations. I asked if she could tell me why it was we were told by 2 different people that it could and even had been done, another person even going so far as to act as if they were at this location. This phone rep could not. This phone rep informed me that if I wanted to drive down to the Kent sorting facility I could pick the computer up there. I have little desire to return to Kent. I informed said phone rep that I was going to have to hang up the phone as I was concerned that my head was going to explode.

Bif, in a far calmer mood called them back a bit later and arranged for the package to be delivered the next day, Wednesday. When no computer arrived on Wednesday, FedEx was called once again. We learned that the package had not been set up for delivery, which was obvious from the above mentioned lack of computer, and that it would be delivered on Thursday.

Guess what has not come on Thursday. Go ahead, guess. Yeah, sorry guys, the package was again not set up for delivery, we double dog promise this time that you’ll have it tomorrow.

FedEx can lick my balls – after a long, sweaty walk home.


Song Stuck In My Head Right Now: Most of The Beatles Revolver has been in my head today. "Doctor Robert" at the moment.