Claymation Godard, Imagine

Alright then, 40 year old fanboy is making me crazy! All day long he won’t shut up with his pontificating!

“You gotta use analog equipment when you’re recording. Digital is shit. Analog will warm that up for you.”

Did you get that from the fanboy dialogue page you numb-nuts, unable to think for yourself, hipster dumb-ass? Let me guess, you’re a huge fan of Johnny Cash too, and wasn’t it a bitch when the Man In Black died?

Fuck off!

And yeah, I know I hate him because I see myself in that behavior, in that tone of voice, in that constant backing of the artiste above all, but towing the party line is still towing the party line even when it is a cooler party! Don’t just adopt an opinion as fashion.

Wow, that was a wee histrionic…

It all got me thinking. As a self-confessed film snob (whose top ten list does include Bring It On by the way – seriously, don’t tell anybody), I can completely stand behind the Auteur Theory; the idea that a single artist – usually the director – is responsible for the artistic direction of the film as a whole. Y’know, all the directors that you can name by name – Hitchcock, Tarantino, Scorsese, Coppola – they’re auteurs. And usually when you’re dealing with an auteur in a fanboy’s eyes, the auteur can do no wrong.

What happens when there’s a Clash of the Auteurs?

I remember there being a hipster backlash when Tarantino disowned Natural Born Killers when Oliver Stone changed it. If I remember correctly (and this was at a time when I was using a lot of substances inappropriately), the hipsters sided with Tarantino as he was the newest, coolest. I think I tended to lean that way as well. But let’s sit down and be honest with each other for a moment, okay?

Tarantino can make a very entertaining film; as long as you don’t plan on watching it more than say ten times in your life. Seriously, I can’t get through 15 minutes of Pulp Fiction without walking away to go strum guitar or read a magazine or masturbate. And did you read the original script for Natural Born Killers? Was it talky and filled with ‘ain’t I cool’ dialogue? Did we not just point out that it was written by Tarantino? And yeah, Oliver Stone is an overblown egomaniac, but I think he was striving for art with his film – and I might dare say that he hit the mark.

What’s the point of this you ask? I think that I just proved I have been pestered all day by the future version of myself. I’m going to cry…