Conduit For Sale

While Tina went out the door plainly marked ‘Mail Machines’ to answer her cell phone, Adam, the salesman in the suit the color of the stains on the ceiling, looked at Jacob with a mischievous smile.

"Do you wanna see something cool?"

Jacob looked at him as if that's exactly what he expected him to say. "Sure," he sighed.

Adam led him to the back room. The lighting back there was going bad, the room was down to one bare florescent bulb. There was a water cooler with an empty bottle on top of it, a desk and an ancient punch clock attached to the wall. Jacob felt a faint twitch at his hairline as he began to wonder whether he should have come back here with this guy.

"There we are!" Adam announced, flourishing his arms like a child's party magician and pointing at a clumsy looking machine on the desk. Jacob gave him a patronizing 'okay' smile.

"Watch," said Adam. He picked up a paper clip and placed it close to one end of the machine, turned a dial and pressed a button on the machine and stood back. The machine emitted a humming noise that rose in pitch and intensity, and suddenly the paper clip was gone. After a moment, the paperclip materialized on the other side of the machine, no sound, no flash of light or smoke, it just showed up.

"What..." Jacob tried to ask.

"It's a matter teleporter!" Adam shouted in a stage whisper and immediately began shaking with a wet, wheezing laugh. He slapped the sides of his suit and calmed himself down. "Now watch this."

He took a pencil and placed it close to the machine. He turned the same dial and pressed the same button. After the same humming noise, the pencil disappeared, but after several seconds it had not shown up again.

"Where?" Jacob began.

"I have no idea!" Adam again began laughing his shaking laugh. "I sent it further away, but I have no idea where! But look..." Adam pointed to the wall behind Jacob.

Jacob turned and saw clinging to the wall a gelatinous globe that shimmered with some sort of primordial life. There was a faint sort of purple neon glow to the thing. Jacob had a sudden urge to put this jellyfish thing in his mouth. He was surprised to notice that his hand was actually reaching out to pluck it from the wall. He spun back towards Adam and jumped with a start to find him much closer than expected and staring with some strange hunger.

"Why are you showing me this?" Jacob asked with a hush.

"You're here with the bank, you're a young man... I'm assuming you're the president and that you might be interested in investing in something like this."

"I'm the mailroom guy! That's why I'm helping pick a mail machine!"

"Oh," Adam looked crestfallen. "Do you think Tina's got any kind of money? Probably not, huh?"

"Hello?" Tina's high pitched whine came from inside the store. Jacob walked carefully around Adam and tried to exit, but he quickly grabbed his arm.

"Don't say a word, or I swear to you, there'll be hell to pay.”