Ghosts

We took Riley on tour while mom and dad were here this weekend, generally showing the kid off to great grandparents and great aunts.

First stop was Puyallup, home of a large fair in September and apparently now with strip malls that rival entire counties in Southern California. Dad's parents and sister, sister's husband, shuffled around the mobile home and grabbed greedily at the baby. Now luckily, I missed out on the alcoholism and abuse that pervaded this family in the early years, but the backwoods born again-ism that badly filled that raging hole haunted everything it touched. I do not remember any happy family memories from this side. I remember a grandfather sitting so, so passively in a chair, as if trying to hide from his new god, attempting to escape his past sins. I remember a grandmother's language littered with derision and guilt trips, and can only now see what must have unconsciously attracted my father to my mother. I remember an aunt so mollified that she couldn't even smile without seeming embarrassed about it.

I certainly don't hate them or wish them any ill will, they all struggled like the rest of us to varying degrees of success. I just never got that warm, enclosing feeling of acceptance and love that I got elsewhere. These weren't family members, they were shells of strangers that looked vaguely familiar.

Riley was fussy pretty much the entire time we were there. One thing that having the little man has done is made me question a little further my beliefs in the supernatural and what infants can feel and see. I was convinced that he was reacting to all of the negative energy clinging to everything in those small rooms. I mean hell, you could practically hear it. That sucking sound? It's the sound of precious hours of my life being drained away from me.

The visit to the other side of the family was a marked difference. Riley stood to being passed around to various women in the tribe with little or no consternation. You could feel laughter on the air and a desire to stand with each other.

At one point, the little man was getting a little worn out, so I laid him on the floor and sat down with him. He'll usually calm down and start chattering with me. These are moments that I love, staring intently into each others eyes as he has not yet learned to be ashamed of that much truthfulness. Mom came over and he smiled up at his grandmother. My grandmother came over and he looked up at his great grandmother and flashed her one of his coy smiles.

And then, he let loose one of those beautiful, full soul smiles at her where he just becomes enamored of something. Right then and there I became almost certain that he was seeing the spirit of my grandfather hovering around back there, looking down on his great grandson with those steely, mirth filled eyes.

I was afraid to look back over my shoulder, afraid that I wouldn't see him. But I was really glad that they got to meet each other.


Song Stuck In My Head Right Now: The Weight by The Band.