Conspiracy

I love a good conspiracy theory. I do not however love the movie Conspiracy Theory. I haven't actually seen it, but the thought of Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts together makes my stomach clench in an oily fit. Mandy mentioned in a comment that lip balm was a government conspiracy, and while a lot of that may be a joke, I wonder if she's partly serious - and if so, I wanna hear the conspiracy.

As I said, I love a good conspiracy theory, but man I hate me a bad one. I would sucker punch a bad conspiracy theory in the balls if it were possible. A good conspiracy theory: Various JFK theories, we never landed on the moon, Area 51... A bad conspiracy theory? Well, let me introduce you to Gene.

Gene worked with me at the Oakland Airport, helping to load freight planes. Oh, and when I say helping, I mean that on more than one occasion I found him hiding behind the portable that served as an office while the rest of the team threw freight. Gene claimed that he was once a member of the Black Panthers. Gene occasionally wore a beret to perhaps prove this claim.

One early, early morning, another crew member was lamenting the fact that he could no longer get food at the roach coach as he was developing an ulcer and could not eat spicy food. Gene, with a knowing gleam in his eyes, informed us that doctors advising people not to eat spicy foods was a conspiracy by 'The Man'.

My ears immediately perked up and I asked in a non-committal fashion what he meant.

Gene lectured to us that the government didn't want us to eat spicy foods, that they wanted to get us to eventually eating bland and tasteless foods, preferably in the form of tubes of paste apparently.

"Okay Gene? That doesn't make any friggin' sense! Why would the government want us to eat bland tasting paste? What's in it for them? Is someone on the tube paste lobby really putting in the cash? 'The Man' doesn't just readjust the thinking of the masses for kicks."

He took an idea based on bad sci-fi movie props, fashioned a paranoid delusion around it and walked off as though he'd spoken the gospel. As he walked, Gene said simply, and knowingly, "you'll see."

The bastard beat me with a 'you'll see'.