Had A Dad

I called dad on Sunday to wish him a happy Father's Day, but my first call was met with modem noise - rather snooty modem noise that refused to take a message - and the second call ended with me speaking to the cell phone voice mail. Frankly, I was sort of looking forward to the same exchange dad and I have had for the last 15 or so years:

Me: "Hey dad, happy Father's Day."
Dad: "Hey, right back at ya."
Me: "Ummm, yeah dad, not a father."

I was sort of looking forward to pointing out that it was the first year that his reply was appropriate. Anyway, he called back yesterday and so on my journey to the drug store I called him back. He was letting me know that he had gotten my message and had gone to bed pretty happy. I said that it was good to go to bed happy, and he clarified that it made him happy to know that both of his sons had called him.

"You'll see," he said.

Even now, that petulant little teenage shit part of me wants to refuse to take lessons from dad. I was unsure how to respond, but I knew he was right. I thought about that toothless smile when I enter a room that suddenly seems to make the world right. Dad asked if I had seen the pictures from when Bif took Riley to see them in Arizona. He asked about the one of him and Riley at the Grand Canyon.

I smiled to myself, knowing immediately the picture he was referring to. I was taken from the first with the shot of the two of them staring intently at each other. There was this brief moment of thought wasted on the missing link in that picture, but that was pretty much torn to pieces when I could practically feel the attachment the two had at that moment. I wouldn't sully that moment for anything.

We talked for a moment about how excited he was for the planned birthday celebration in Mexico in February when all of us will be together, we said our goodbyes. I walked back home in a daze, pondering that delicate and sometimes treacherous relationship between fathers and sons, and how I had managed to step into a whole new aspect of it.

Perhaps it was being in a fairly emotional place already, but watched Half Nelson last night. Kinda kicked me in the gut a little bit. If Bif hadn't have gone to bed and left me alone, I probably would have found a room to be by myself for a couple of minutes. I definitely recommend it.