The Politics of Dancing

Some folks I know went and got themselves married after knowing each other since high school. They eloped in Vegas and had a party at their place to celebrate with friends. As the day for the party neared, I was beginning to feel like I didn’t really want to go. I get uncomfortable in party situations, I hate having to make small talk with people I don’t know and will probably never see again. It’s gotten better in the last few years; I’m not as much a neurotic mess and sometimes I meet people who are fascinating and are able to skip over that whole inane small talk thing.

But I went, and it turned out better than I thought it would. It usually does. I had some drinks, which I expected. I talked to some folks I didn’t know, which I expected. I got a lesson in office politics, which I didn’t expect.

I learned about who hates who, about who thinks so and so does a terrible job. I learned about how some folks got into the power positions they’re in through means that were not hard work and dedication. I learned that there are nattering, bitchy forces behind the scenes that get decisions made. I learned that despite upfront smiles and friendly tones, there is more than likely shit talk and back stabbing happening not far away.

It reminded me of high school. It was a little overwhelming to realize that this shit still happens among “rational” adults. But here is the silver lining that, if I had a therapist, they’d be happy that I gotten there – and then charge me a lot of money.

I didn’t care. At all.

And this wasn’t the same sort of nihilistic “I don’t care” stance that I took in my early twenties. That was this defense of not wanting to be involved in any of the societal bullshit and figuring I’d remove myself from it. That was cowardly, that was a wall against being hurt, that was immature and useless.

So how is this “I don’t care” stance different? I think it stems from a confidence in myself that was busy being built when I was younger. I know that I work hard, I know that I do a good job, I know I cannot separate myself from the nonsense, but I can tell it to lick my ass. And I don’t define myself by this job, my vested interest is pretty low. If there are people who want to say shitty things about me, so be it. I’ve had plenty of people come across the gates who haven’t liked me for one reason or another, oh well, fuck ‘em.

I’ve got the team on my side, people that I respect and people that I love. I know the power of unconditional love, I know the power of amazing friends, I know the power of shaking my ass to Led Zeppelin’s Houses of the Holy.

Beware, I’ll come to your house and demonstrate…