By The Way,

I'm feeling remarkably fuckalicious today. I have no idea what the hell that means, but I'm running with it.

I have the sort of rapid heartbeat that comes with a crush, with realizing that love can in fact save you. I want to run all up down that undulating coast, doing summersaults every thirty feet or so. I want to laugh until the tears stream down my face.

I remember being a teenager and being radicalized by the rockabilly-cum-punk of The Cramps, being radicalized by the glam-cum-goth, that sheer distortion jacked, T. Rex hip-thrusting drenched in theatrical menace of Bauhaus. I remember being high at night; hiding from everyone and learning my own language, my own dance steps. I remember the thrill of hearing new music, of seeing low budget films where there was that delicious threat where anything at all could happen.

I remember a seething life in shadows.

I remember pulling off of Highway 32, somewhere between Hamilton City and Orland to look at a lone oak tree in a barren field, an impossibly red sun setting behind it. I remember remembering a conversation with Colin in the cab of his Datsun truck, where he threw out his theory of lone trees, that hot and dry afternoon wind blowing through the window and tossing his curly mop of hair all over the place.

I can't knock this smile off of my face - no matter how much anger seethes from those around me. I'm trying to hold onto it.


Song Stuck In My Head Right Now: Goin' Against Your Mind by Built to Spill. By the way, it's the best fucking thing ever!