Well I've Never...

Last Saturday, the show was called due to lack of audience. It was 11pm on the Saturday of 4th of July weekend, so not terribly shocking, but still a little disappointing. To make us all feel a little better, the cast went to the bar and played I’ve Never.

If you don’t know of the game I’ve Never, it’s a simple one. A drinking game which involves one person making a statement that starts with, “I’ve never…”. If anyone in the group has actually done this thing, you take a drink. For instance, Bobby says, “I’ve never had sex while someone else watched” you have to drink if you’ve done it – Bobby too.

Drink! You know who you are!

Anyway, the game started out with your basic, getting to know you, sort of degenerate sexual habits questions, but then moved on to just bragging about bad things we’d done in the past.

I threw out a “I’ve never talked a cop out of arresting me while I was on hallucinogens”, but I was not alone on that one. I’m not going to mention any names, but there is a member of the cast that has done some livin’. L-I-V-I-N.

As the game wore on, and we all got considerably drunker, one person began making his “I’ve nevers” so freaking specific it was impossible to drink along. Example:

“I’ve never been in a threesome with the female prosecutor that had my brother put in prison the week before, in a Radisson in Santa Fe while reruns of The Six Million Dollar Man were on TV. And then room service came to the door with pizza and I had to open the door with only a pillow over my penis, and the guy glanced in and knew the other girl by name.”

I started drinking along to his stories, ‘cause it was getting ridiculous for one thing, but they started getting so long that I was parched by the end.

Anyway, we all learned a little more about each other than was necessary. And I’m now feeling a little awkward about bringing up that whole bootleg Cabbage Patch Doll sweatshop thing…


Song Stuck In My Head Right Now: Left Hand Luke and the Beggar Boys by T. Rex