I'm just going to come out and say it, I don't like maple. No, the wood's great, big fan, love maple trees, but the flavor maple I do not like. I cannot say why, but the smell of maple syrup on pancakes reminds me of pee; tree pee. I don't know if it's some associative switch I threw as a child, maybe on a breakfast trip to a convalescent home, but I would just rather not deal with maple syrup. I'll take my pancakes and waffles dry if there is no other syrup flavor available, such as boysenberry.
I'm in a major minority here, I realize this. People have made comments that, frankly, border on rude when I disclose this information. "How can you not like maple syrup?" they scream, chasing me with bottles that are shaped like a woman. "Real maple syrup is only made in America and Canada!" they say. "What're you, un-American?" They then threaten me with bodily harm and tell me to "go back to the USSR you pinko!"
I have found that this is not a good time to point out to the maple syrup fans that there is no longer a USSR. But all of this is nothing compared to the reaction I get when I tell people I don't like ketchup.
"You're the only white boy I know that doesn't like ketchup," said my Latin, former housemate Rafael. I don't know why he had to make it a racial thing, but he did have issues with dating underage girls 15 years his junior.
I don't know why I had to make it a pedophile thing though, so I guess we're even.
The ketchup thing is a vestige from my childhood. I don't know what it is I didn't like about it then, but I didn't. It may have been that unexpected sweetness to a hamburger that seems it shouldn't have been sweet. I probably would like ketchup if I had it now, but I sort of figure I've gotten this far in life without it, why incur another habit.
As I like things to come in threes, I will also throw out that in the world of condiments I'm not a fan of relish. Relish can go straight to hell.
As I would like to end this on a positive note, things that I'm a big fan of in the condiment world are: mustard, barbecue sauce and hot sauce (in particular Cholula).
Kelly Bean has specifically requested a Rocktober song of the day for this month. And as I am, and enjoy being, a dancing monkey, so it shall be. Rocktober songs for yesterday and today will be the following 2 song, quick punch of: Beat On The Brat by The Ramones, quickly followed by Janie Jones by The Clash.
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Please note: I'm proud to have a dancing monkey in my circle of friends. It's not something just anyone can boast of.
Quite true Kelly Bean... dancing monkeys make wonderful friends. And I am frankly glad that the song of the day is continuing in a monthly-themed creative fashion. It gives me a reason to live until tomorrow.
Bill, I think your typing monkey made a mistake tho... wouldn't someone who likes younger girls actually have issues with dating girls 15 years his JUNIOR?
Correct you are eagle-eyed kc!
Consider it fixed. The mis-wording, not necessarily Rafael's desire for the younger ladies...
Tree pee? Favorite thing I have heard all day.
And I won't even get started on the ketchup thing. I'm trying really hard not to judge. While I work on that, you can use my extreme ambivalence toward Star Wars, etc. against me if you like...it could take a while.
funny you should relate maple syrup to tree pee. the amish have a genetic disorder, from their shameless inbreeding, called "maple syrup urine". some strange chemical thing occurs that makes their piss smell like maple syrup and eventually kills them.
i heart janie jones.
I just bought a box of Aunt Jemima waffles at the store....I'll think of you at 6:00 tomorrow morning as I cover them in delicious maple syrup. Billy!
I've never had maple syrup, so I have no idea what it's like. Can't say that tree-pee sounds very tempting, though. lol
you know who else doesnt like ketchup (catsup)?
communists.
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