On The News

I was walking past one of those newspaper dispensers this morning when my attention was snagged as though in a tuna net. The navy apparently wants to use dolphins and sea lions to help protect naval bases. And I say that it's about damn time.

Those sea lions have been living off the protection the navy has given them for far too long. What have they done for us? Nothing! They lay about, they harass surfers and they're taking up seriously valuable real estate on floaters off of Pier 39 in San Francisco. Do you know how much could be charged for a floating piece of wood in that neighborhood?

It's a bit different for dolphins, I mean they do those awesome tail dancing tricks for mackerel in sea parks across the country, and they have serious killer shark ninja skills what with the punching of their phallic noses into shark gills. But then again, I do feel they kind of owe us for Flipper. That fucking show...

I think it says something about the state of our military when they have the cajones to come out and let us know this is what they have planned. And let me reiterate:

Dolphins and sea lions will patrol naval bases to keep swimming terrorists away. And as I'm sure W will tell you, swimming terrorists are among the worst kind.

I would also like to point out that a PETA representative also felt it necessary to say:
"They don't understand the consequences of what will happen if they don't carry out the mission."

You think? You're saying that dolphins don't have a vested interest in the war on terra? So much for a rational argument from the other side.


Song Stuck In My Head Right Now: Holiday Road by Lindsey Buckingham. Thanks Nikki...