Crazy From The Heat

Let me briefly mention summers in San Francisco before I veer off all ADD like into something else. Mark Twain famously said that the coldest winter he ever spent was a summer in San Francisco. I’m here to tell you that Mark Twain is a hack; a hack and a pussy.

Here’s the deal, a majority of a San Francisco summer entails the western half of the city being covered in fog. It’s cold and it’s damp for sure, but is nothing compared to the bitter and painful cold that I’ve barely experienced with an upper East Coast winter. But beyond those cold, wet summer days, there are always approximately 2 days in San Francisco where it gets plain, sucky hot.

So what, you ask. Well, Mr. So What, something weird and metaphysical happens on these hot days. As San Francisco is not a city that is meant to be hot, when the temperature does rise, it becomes unbearable. Honestly, it can be just as hot on the other side of the bay in Oakland and you feel fine and dandy, you feel like watchin’ some roller derby all done up on a variety of mini airplane bottles of booze. But cross that bridge back to the city and you hate summer, you hate every MFer in the city, and frankly you’re not crazy about yourself.

I can’t explain it, it’s magic, let it be. But the same sort of thing happens here in Seattle. It was mid to upper 90’s here yesterday, not a big deal when you consider that I have been able to put up with 112 degree weather with a minimum of fuss. But after the walk home, and sitting in the apartment which apparently was built with the same specifications of a pizza oven, I was toast. I certainly didn’t want to move, the power of speech became knocked back to grunts and pathetic whimpers, if I hung my head between my legs I would gather a puddle on the hardwood floor from the rivulets of sweat coursing through my hair.

But, it’s moments like these where I feel most proud of taking reign of my fried faculties and focusing them. I came up with a haphazard list of things that I believe. Are you ready?

Things That I Believe (as of 7/12/07):

1) You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you just might find, you get what you need.
2) If there is a God, They’re certainly not gonna be happy with you Mr. Bush. Good luck with that.
3) Beer is awesome. Ice cream, also awesome. The two of them together? Not so much.
4) Laughter is about the best sound in the world. Baby laughter? Pretty much the definition of heaven.
5) Iggy Pop really does have a lust for life.

Feeling all loverly today y’all. Shootin’ kisses out to you.