Makes Scents

So I was throwing a whiz after a morning glut of coffee and water when I caught a whiff of evergreen trees. Bathroom cleaner thought I, before it slowly occurred to me that the cleaner they use in the bathroom here is not scented as such. I’m pretty sure I was pissing pine.

I don’t know what combination of what caused this to happen. Asparagus pee I’ve had, ditto penicillin, but this one was new. I began a quick catalogue of dinner items, fluids that I had ingested, possible clouds of industrial waste I had walked through.

I chalked it up to some weird combination of Colombian coffee, hummus and stress and let it be. And then I thought about Gorgeous’ encounter with turning garlic a brilliant blue. This, naturally, led to my thinking about the ability to purposefully change the scent of your urine.

Hear me out.

Say there’s a combination of ingredients that you could ingest, let’s say they’re natural ingredients, heck let’s even say it’s in a pill form, that if you take it makes your pee pee smell like something else. Pop a pill and your bathroom is filled with a subtle hint of gardenia, you walk into a truck stop restroom to the arresting smell of Fettuccini Alfredo, you awake from a drunken stupor to find your jeans bathed in the scent of an ocean breeze.

I see these pills being sold in tins like mints, of a commercial with two plowed sports fans standing in an alley near a dome, one with his arm up on the neighboring wall, the other with his hands at his waste. Sports fan #1 looks over at the other and says simply, “Fresh cut grass?” Sports fan #2 reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tin of pee pills, and flashing an inebriated smile tosses them over to his buddy.

I dream of walking past alleys and being hit with the smell of kettle corn brought on by the same good people who save us from Restless Leg Syndrome.

Wow, this is the sort of thing that happens to my mind when I get a little too much sugar. Should’ve passed on the scone…