We bid July adieu today. Farewell July, you’ve been a helluva four letter month. As I walked this morning, I thought of how we are now well into the second half of the year, feeling the hours and minutes fall off of me and into the wake I was leaving in the day.
I’m constantly reminded of the passing of time, it’s impossible not to see it in the face of Riley. When you walk in to give him a kiss before leaving and he’s standing up with a death grip on the top rail of the crib, that combo ‘look what I can do/hey, it’s Dad’ smile all over his face, there’s a bitter and complex taste note that reminds me that it will all go so fast.
I had also hoped to be halfway through a novel by this point of the year, but not so much…
In the spirit of this bittersweet, but mostly sweet feeling I’ve been carrying, in the spirit of remembering that time will always go too fast and we need to slow it down sometimes for us, I would like to dedicate this last day of July post to my lady friend:
We were looking out over San Francisco Bay towards sunset, Alcatraz and the Golden Gate Bridge sitting there all picture postcard like. I don’t remember specifically what we were talking about, but I can guess that it involved me looking for ways to talk you out of going back home to Chico. It may have been one of those calm moments where we didn’t need to talk.
I remember how freakishly cold that wind coming in off of the Bay could get, and I remember the black and grey flannel coat that I had. I remember you there, looking out over the water painted an impressionistic masterpiece by the early evening sun, me behind you with my arms around you, feeling safe for the first time in years.
You went along with my insistence that this was not a long term thing, I think you knew just as well as some part of me did that I was lying. And at that moment the piece of my soul that could not just let this pass by, the piece that would wail for eternity if I wasted it spoke up and accused me. My self delusion fell all over me and I realized in a heartbeat how flimsy the lie had been in the first place.
“I think I’m falling in love with you,” I said in a near whisper that you heard perfectly.
One of the best moves I ever made, hands down.
Song Stuck In My Head Right Now: “I Got The Blues” by The Rolling Stones.
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2 comments:
she better have given it up for that
Billy, don't get down on yourself for only being halfway through the novel. It's been a busy year. There isn't always time to just sit, relax and read.
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