Pellets I Tells Ya

Am I wrong or was the future a promise of pellets and pills? There was thus vague idea of whole meals in capsules, like some Willy Wonka treat without the ironic punishment of taking on the form of what you were supposed to be tasting. All the Red Lobster popcorn shrimp you could taste, maybe even with a side of a whole crispy, fried onion and a fakey handcrafted beer by Miller (or maybe an overpriced margarita that has all the taste of foul and cheap tequila, but none of the intoxication) inside a gel cap filled with time released pellets.

I’m kind of obsessamatic on the pellets right now. I have this strange desire to have everything in pellet form. It’s as unexplainable as my utter freaking delight at 1/32 scale exact replicas of things like liquor bottles and pumpkins, large wheels of cheese - just a quirk I gotta let ride. Pellets just seemed like the next wave of the future that started with the optimistic promise of Tang.

And it is possible that mango flavored Tang sullied that promise of a bright, shiny and efficient future filled with shitty instant orange beverage. And while I’m thinking about it, some food service geniuses have made space-age pellet ice cream. But frankly, that stuff’s fun for about a second and a half.

Yeah, I do understand that true advances take time, so I’ll let that bullshit, county fair swill, pellet ice cream stand as a brave foray into the pill future of food, but ultimately I do understand that it’s a failure. I’ll bide my time with those animal shaped sponges in pill form. Those things rule, even if they don’t taste so good.