Not The Voicemail I Was Hoping For

I gotta warn you good people that Billy is in a crappy mood today. I’m in such a crappy mood that I spoke of myself in the third person. I hate that!

I’m trying to deal with a minor setback that is bumming me out harder than it should. It’s actually a little weird, ‘cause I’m kind of divided about it. Part of me really is okay with it and wants to get past it. I respect that part, I look up to that part, one day - when I grow up - I hope be that part.

But there’s another part of me that feeds off of those chattering voices of fear, disappointment and unending self doubt that roll up all black and toxic from rooms I’ve tried to torch. That part won’t let go, that part lets loose giggling whispers that become echoes that build to destructive frequencies, that part somehow makes dreams seem useless and dumb.

Yet another little internal critic, from some other wing in the house, chirps up from time to time to tell me to suck it up and that I’m feeling sorry for myself. He’s probably right. What I can say for sure is I feel a little sad, I feel a little disappointed, and I feel like I’d rather take a boat ride out on Puget Sound than sit in my cube and stew.