That's My Billy

At nineteen, the television show of my life involved me living in a ginormous work/live loft in some part of downtown Los Angeles that doesn’t exist. There were floor to ceiling windows on three sides of the place (a brick wall on the fourth) that looked out onto this fantasy neighborhood of tall buildings, fun shops and bistros along narrow and quaint (but clean) streets.

I would be a film director, a young and famous film maker. Everyone wants to work with me, I get blowjobs for breakfast. And despite being fabulously wealthy and famous, I’m down to earth and charming. I have a young assistant named Ethan who gets into all kinds of hilarious situations.

There would be the girl, Stephanie. We worked together, she’s beautiful and unattached. We’re not together, but there’s this constant sexual tension that leads to a number of silly misunderstandings. Occasionally one or the other of us will realize that we should be a couple, but the other one will suddenly be starting a relationship with someone else. Someday…

I would have had these roommate neighbors, two guys (young and attractive) that we would one day do a back story episode on how they became roommates. One of them would have been a stoner guy, Derek, sweet and funny, but pretty dumb. The other, Jonathan, would be sort of an uptight business guy, his ideas would never pan out and his disappointed outrage would be a source of much amusement for the rest of us.

Of course it stopped being funny when, in a rampage Jonathan accidentally kills Derek with a Cuisinart bar blender and then dies from a self inflicted gunshot wound. It turns out that Ethan had a closet meth habit that is now firmly out of the closet. Stephanie and I get shit faced drunk one night and end up fucking. She gets pregnant and runs off home Iowa, never to be heard from again. I’m busted on trumped up charges for deviant internet porn and the agents that bust into and bust up my beautiful work/live loft look an awful lot like the guys who were on that show Project UFO.

Admittedly, the final season was a little rough. In hindsight, we should have quit while we were on top. The first season DVD’s are due out just in time for Christmas. You should check them out, the commentary is funtastic!