Getting us just a little closer to the future that The Jetson’s promised, the new bathroom on the floor here at work has nifty automated functions.
The toilets and urinals all flush by themselves. Well, I mean they’re triggered by something, micro changes in air density or something. And the sinks begin spouting that clean, Washington water when they detect your hand is there to receive it.
I’ve seen all this before, but a new one to me is the automatic soap dispenser which pumps out pearly goo when your hand is near the spout. My problem is that I have big hands, and after I have been thoroughly soaped and am setting off the water sensor, my ginormous digits wander into the sight field of the soap and the soap begins spurting like a porn audition.
Sure, not a big deal. There’s usually just this semen like puddle on the side of the basin (which refills itself when I try to wash it away with the automatic water as I keep finding my way beneath the automatic soap dispenser again). But it seems indicative of that technological breakdown that will eventually destroy us.
It’s like HAL 9000 developing a consciousness and going crazy, it’s like the Yul Brenner robot shooting tourists in Westworld, it’s like Frankenstein’s monster going after Frankenstein. It’s like that automated future house in the Bugs Bunny cartoons. It’s a small step now, but I’m telling you, that fucker’s gonna come running.
Song Stuck In My Head Right Now: Watching TV by Roger Waters
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