It’s pretty well known in the biz that industrial film shoots are some of the rowdiest, most hedonistic shoots on record. Is it fair to say that there tends to be more intravenous action that at a very busy hospital? Is it fair to say that there tends to be more back door action than at both Sodom and Gomorra combined? Probably not really fair, but bordering on true.
On one particular shoot a few years back, Huffer and Saltz Publishing Presents: Safety in the Workplace (Or Mr. Malorkus’ Super Shiny Suit of Distractions), the Best Boy was killed in a bizarre accident. Huffer and Saltz, as well as 1 Sided Perf (the production company) have tried their best to keep it quiet, it has almost been relegated to urban legend at this point, but I’m here to spread the truth.
Most of the crew were done up on a drug cocktail that was in heavy rotation in the industrial film circles; medicinal cocaine and paintball paint. This was mixed together, baked in an oven (around 200 degrees for 2-2 ½ hours) until it was dried, ground into a fine powder, re-moistened once again with Rebel Yell whisky until it was of paste consistency and then spread on Ritz crackers and eaten.
Well, Ritz or its nearest generic comparison.
The crew spent their lunch break so high they actually thought that this project might just change the world. The rangy smell of anal sex filled the set like a fog. And one of the actresses (I will not divulge her name here as it turns out she is extremely litigious and doing her best to dispel this as a rumor) was riding around the board room set on one of those Hippity Hops. She was an actress from the legitimate world of television sitcoms, and so I don’t think she was quite up to the weirdness quotient, as riding around on a Hippity Hop was as ‘far out’ as she tended to get.
It does stand to reason then that when Best Boy Danny Sturdevant attacked the Hippity Hop with a near religious fervor, brandishing a box cutter and screaming, “Hellfire and damnation! Who says you can’t change the world?!?” that this actress would get a little defensive.
Unfortunately, poor Danny was so hopped up on coke-paint that he didn’t see her coming, and she was able to swing a 10k fresnel light straight at his head. Oh, and it didn’t stop there; she kept swinging that bloodied C-stand until Danny… stopped… moving…
1 Sided Perf and Huffer and Saltz managed to cover it up as an ‘industrial accident’, and through enough gin this actress has managed to almost believe it. But we know the truth, and we will get it out there.
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