A Night At The Opera

Darren was the type of guy who typically ignored those sad guys who stood on street corners and blandly passed out flyers. He did so with a look on his face that suggested that if he were to touch this paper, he would contract a crushing blow to his lifestyle. One afternoon, when he saw an adorable young woman slow dancing at the corner, languidly passing out florescent green slips of paper, his arm shot out to grab one almost on instinct. He glanced at the flyer and was taken immediately by the title of the show on display, Little Metal Doggy. It was apparently an opera of some sort and it was playing that evening at a downtown venue. The flyer was good for one admission.

Now, Darren liked to consider himself a fairly cultured man. He dressed in a dark suit and got himself a cab down to the rundown theater that had once been a jewel among show palaces some decades ago. He handed his gaudy flyer to a tall, thin usher, who apparently bathed in pancake makeup, and was led to a less than comfortable seat.

Little Metal Doggy began, and Darren quickly realized that this was an opera performed in the Czech language. Darren had learned quite a bit of Czech back in his college days when he had been wooing a pretty young thing from Bohemia. He also quickly realized that this opera was about the game Monopoly. The tenor had just managed to purchase St. James Place and was so excited, he was singing with an impossible number of Z's. Although the music was performed by a standard orchestra, it was becoming readily apparent that it was based on the works of Ted Nugent. After three hours, large set pieces of green houses were being turned over to large set pieces of red hotels. There was finally an intermission. Darren was pretty sure that the fat lady was going to take the cake, after all she had Boardwalk, Park Place and all the greens, so he decided to go ahead and leave.

As he was reaching for the door that led out, he was grabbed by the usher and another pale and thin man and then quickly led away. Before he could either protest with a yell or a swing of his arms, he was pushed through a door he hadn't noticed before. He found himself in a white, brightly lit room where there stood a man in surgical dress holding a long, skewer like instrument.

"What the..." Darren began.

"See sir, here's the thing," began the second thin man who had grabbed Darren. "We need so many things to survive as a troup, but mostly, we need an audience."

A rag was slipped over his mouth from behind him and he could feel himself fading fast. Just before that impenetrable blackness overtook him, he heard a soft voice:

"Lobotomy for this one. And don't forget to give him a pile of the 'Citizen Kane! A Musical' flyers."