A watched pot never boils? Alright, it’s clever (sort of) and easily digested, but it’s also a blatant fucking lie. It’s certainly not one of the worst lies that society tosses out there, like Santa Claus or the idea that everyone has the right to the pursuit of happiness, but it’s aggravating to me. Every time impatience rears its fuzzy head, some well meaning walking dictionary of clichés will throw it out there.
How do I know it’s a lie? I’ve put it to the test.
I have put a pot of water on the stove and watched it go from tepid all the way to a rolling boil. The thing that I learned, other than how inane some proverbs are, is that I sort of enjoy watching a pot boil. Yes, it takes patience, and yes, I do have plenty of better things to do, but there is some crazy shit going on down in there.
It starts calm, then little bubbles form like a film over everything. Those bubbles slowly get bigger, shaking with intensity until the water is violently heaving with the escape of all of this manufactured air.
Whatever dude, I still find this more fascinating than 95% of what’s on television…
I have also taken to microwave entertainment. As a kid, I used to enjoy watching cheese melt and eggs expand in what seemed like a crazy facsimile of time lapse photography. The best thing ever though, was when Rob Nixon put a CD in a microwave. That shit was better than Laser Floyd.
Nicholas has this idea of calling me on his cell phone and then putting it into the microwave and cooking it until it is destroyed, thus getting to watch it and hear it from the inside.
This morning, as I was cooking my breakfast burrito in the company microwave (egg, potato and cheese, since you asked), something pretty cool happened. The burrito expanded as if all of those microwaves were having a dance party inside that flour tortilla. Then, just as the digital timer was about to hit end, the plastic wrap came undone and this puff of steam - this moist, burrito fart - blew out of the wrapper and fogged up the viewing window. Crazy, breakfast action, I’m telling you!
Yeah, I need to get a life.
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5 comments:
I use to put gummi bears in the microwave.
2 fold
cool to watch
yummi to eat.
I wonder what would happen if you put a microwave inside a microwave.
Dude! I think you just tore a hole in the space-time continuum. I feel like I went back in time 40 minutes, but then took a long nap...
To get really nit-picky, um, a "pot" never actually boils whether you watch it or not. The water inside the pot will boil, but not the pot itself. Unless your smelting it. In the microwave.
I used to melt marshmallows & chocolate chips.
WARNING:
Use a paper plate. Microwave melted marshmallow is tough to scrape off the fine china.
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