Hello Goodbye

I thought I saw the dreaded ex at Trader Joes the other day, her face still red with anger and the embarrassment of just being human. It was highly improbable that she would have made the trip to Seattle, but still my brain likes to seek out familiarity in strangers.

It occurred to me that the DHL woman coming into the building could very well have been Lori, from grade school. Lori was beautiful and kind and I now find it a little bit strange that for spending 8 or so very formative years with her, I never really got to know her. She was quiet and smart and she had this wonderfully shy smile, and the perfectly feathered hair that was all the rage. I don't suppose anyone was surprised when she started dating a popular jock in junior high, but I think, even then, I felt she deserved better. Even now I find it hard to accept that Lori would have become a delivery lady for DHL, not that it's a bad job or anything, but she seemed to have this aura of potential that would not be broken.

Last night I bid farewell to some new friends who are following their own youthful potential, seriously and honestly trying to do some good in the world at large. I went into the evening wondering how you say goodbye to someone that you very well know you may never see again. We sat and talked and had dinner and I thought to myself, I wish we would have done this more while they were here.

There's this proverb of sorts, which I believe is Japanese in origin, which has weighed heavy on my decisions in the last few years. To paraphrase, it is recommended to spend much time considering decisions of small matters and little time considering decisions of large ones.

I felt like this might be the approach to take to say goodbye. I knew that I would never be privy to huge decisions and huge forces that would change these people’s lives, that I wouldn't be witness to how the years would change them. I knew that I would see someone years later in a theater lobby or a restaurant that my mind would insist was them, and I would wonder how they were doing out in the world, and I would remember their beautifully sly smiles and direct East Coast ways that seemed an affront to so many people up here.

And it nearly broke my heart when on saying goodbye she said that it was nice to meet me. It just so seemed like something you say in the beginning...