I'm walking out of this here month of April with a big ol' need for a nap, and a deeper more primal desire to leap off of something high. Not like suicide or anything, but like off a high dive, or a really tall rock into a cold and deep river.
And actually, for a long time I've wanted to jump off a high building into one of those inflatable stunt man bags. If I can manage this by crashing through a breakaway window as well, well then two of my dreams will be accomplished in one fell swoop.
And those fake glass bottles that you can smash over people's heads without them being knocked into brain damage or having to be rushed to a medical clinic as they are bleeding uncontrollably, man I want to play with those. If I had a case of them they would be sugar glass powder in like ten minutes, mostly from me just going, "Hey Biffy, look!" and then smashing a bottle against my own head.
And in my front room, I would like a scale model of Los Angeles made out of balsa wood and the afore mentioned sugar glass that I can throw myself onto and destroy all to hell.
Ok, and while we’re just talking here, I would also like a 25 foot, remote controlled robotic shark with foam rubber teeth that I could play with in some body of water, or Olympic sized pool.
Maybe I just settle for that nap.
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