They're Grrrr-eat!

August 5, 2006 - Wilkes Barre, PA

Famed cereal spokes-animal Tony the Tiger has apparently gone on a sugar induced rampage and mauled a number of innocent bystanders. 51 year resident, Bucky Laurent, stated, "It was horrifying. He moved through here like a coked up bullet train; a coked up bullet train with claws and teeth. Oh and stripes, you don't often see bullet trains with stripes. He just kept growling, 'they're great? I'll show you great!' Simply awful."

Tony the Tiger,

shown here in better and less frantic times, had reportedly spent the better part of the morning in a local restaurant requesting bowl after bowl of Frosted Flakes, the cereal he has lent his image to for so many years.

"We ran out of Frosted Flakes at one point," states Sara Westford, waitress at Rosemarie's Diner where Tony had been spotted. "He went through like twenty of those little boxes. We were out, and when I offered some Fruit Loops instead he threw his bandana on the table, stood up and demanded I go get some more Frosted Flakes. He's taller than he looks on that cereal box."

Reports show that he burst out of the restaurant and made pretty much a straight line through the downtown area. At least three people are currently in critical condition from horrific bite wounds.

Miss Amanda Woody, a third year community college student, was lucky to escape with her life.

"He charged up to me and said, 'My nose isn't the only thing that's blue'. I didn't get it at first, and then I was kinda’ like 'ewww'."

Tony the Tiger was subdued soon after inside of an adult bookstore as he perused a variety of sexual toys and devices. Zoo officials were able to bring him down using a number of tranquilizer darts. He is currently incarcerated in the local jail.

Reports are speculative, but some say that this erratic behavior may be sparked by the break up of an unsubstantiated affair Mr. the Tiger was having with fellow spokes-animal Toucan Sam.