I gotta warn you all, I’m in that sort of mood today. That mood where I am annoyed with the people around me, especially the people that already sort of annoy me, and I want to hurt them a little. The guy who’s eating a bag of Frito’s, but being none too careful with the rattling of the bag, not to mention eating with his mouth wide open so every crunchy corn-fried bite can be heard loud and clear.. He’s asking for a bitch slapping, pure and simple.
The girl with the loud and nasal, sort of Minnesota-ish voice, who can normally spend six and a half consecutive hours talking about her freaking upcoming wedding, is boring the roaches with a pointless story of her father moving furniture around. Even her friends, who offer opinions on whether a bag of only red M&M’s is a decent gift for her wedding guests, are giving her the short, perfunctory answers as a clue to shut the fuck up. Which she’s ignoring! I want to scream in her ear, “you’re boring and not very bright” in a Scottish accent until she falls down in convulsions.
The one guy (who I’ll call 40 Year Old Fan Boy) is arguing with the other (who I’ll call Special Army Man) about which of them is correct in their assumptions as to the true goal of Islamic Fundamentalists. I can only wish that Islamic Fundamentalists would lock these two in a cage with rabid koalas who would then rip out and eat their bleeding rectums. I’m pretty sure the Islamic Fundamentalists would then mutter, “we do it for the nooky”.
None of this bodes well for the rest of the day…
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5 comments:
I does help. Not with this situation, but it does help.
my dear. i got your message yesterday and was crushed i missed you in real-life lunchtime conversation.
for the record it is lunchtime a day later, and i am eating a salad in my lonely office with my mouth open. there is, i am certain, a bit of hard-boiled egg on my lip. i thank my lucky stars i am in berkeley so as not to offend your sensitive sensibilities.
jeez, bill.
i think i have a place in portland!!! more details soon, but it is SWEEET, brother. you are your old lady will approve i think, where approve = sleepovers and whiskey and cat hair, pdx style.
Nothing says sexy like a combination of the words pdx, cat hair, whiskey and sleepovers. Seriously, it's a heady combination that gives me that sort of post-coital nappy time feeling.
Your coming move has my ass dancing in dangerous ways. I think it's time we sat down and discussed a possible lucrative business arrangement.
But not here, no no. Not here.
love ya like my own brud'r, billy. per'aps more dan dat den, in a dirt'y sor' o' way, ya know?
So hot. I feel like your brother; like your dirty, dirty brother.
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