Gerald, the slow-rotting Easter bunny, went out into the woods to go hunting. He was invited by this gun nut named Donald that he had met through this kid Paulie. They were halfway through a second bottle of kiwi flavored vodka when Donald brought up the idea. Gerald wasn’t crazy about blowing defenseless animals to pieces until Donald announced he would be bringing enough home distilled whisky to take out two rhinos and a mongoose. And now they had been sitting behind a deer blind for three hours, in the rain, 280 miles from anyplace that came close to registering on Gerald’s charts as civilized. Gerald was less than happy. He glared at Donald who sat stroking his rifle like a man hypnotized by porno.
“I think your smell is scaring off all of the prey. Here, spray a bunch of this on you,” Donald handed him a small aerosol can.
“This is Deep Woods Off.”
“Yup, cover up that shit pronto,” Donald slurred.
“Alright,” Gerald said testily as he pushed himself off the ground. “I’m fucking done.”
As his paws were never really meant to be able to handle a gun, he was clumsy with it and managed to accidentally shoot Donald in the arm. Donald immediately started screaming.
“Shut up bitch, I just grazed you,” Gerald said as he began trudging his way out through the woods.
Donald raised up his rifle, aimed carefully at the back of Gerald’s head and pulled the trigger. There was nothing but a dry click of an empty gun.
“Yeah, I’m that dumb,” Gerald shouted. “I’m going to walk into the woods with a drunk with a gun. I’m a rabbit for chrissakes! That’s right, I took your bullets. And you know what else?”
Donald shook his head in nervous shock.
“I killed your master,” Gerald hissed and continued out of the forest.
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